I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
