Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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