WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
