My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
