Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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