You're earring is so big in my mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
