dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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