i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
