we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
