you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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