In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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