Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
