the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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