just come out here and I will go home with you...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
