WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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