I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
