all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
