ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
