Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
