I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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