I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
