it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
