question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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