He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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