Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How's work?
Spinning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
