You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
