I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
