Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
