Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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