I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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