its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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