We're like a lot better than the average bears
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
