No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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