Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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