Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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