ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
