I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
