I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
