this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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