I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
