i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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