He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
