After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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