We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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