jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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