I met the friendliest cop last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
