I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His nipple licking is glorious
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