dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
