So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
