When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
