im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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