i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
