No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My vagina just clenched in fear
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
