she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
