Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
