I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
