We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
