Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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