Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dicks are not precious.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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