you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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