i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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