did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
