I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
