If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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