You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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