He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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