Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
