she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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