To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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