I haven't been this sober since birth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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