Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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