Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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