Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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