So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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