Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
