Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
